Debunking Holiday Myths | Wall Street Terrorists | Diets!

Saving Endangered Animals | Academy Award Nominations for Bad Movies

Hillary, the Cuckold-Battered Wife | We Need That War in South America!
Harry, a Prince of a Man  | Shoot the Teachers!
Feed the Hungry Worldwide | Robert Harlow - Predator

Saving Endangered Animals - Tigers

Taunt a tiger and die!  Tigers kill!  Lions kill. Big cats certainly aren’t domesticated, purring, loving feline pets sleeping on couches. Tigers attack, knaw straight through flesh to bone, slurp the blood, shake their meat and grab more for their cubs. People worldwide want to save them? Try living near a wild cat, uncaged, and see if you would like your daughter or son near one.

The infamous hippopotamus kills more humans than any other animal in Africa, except men. Yes, I mean men, not humans. You don’t see women wielding machetes and cutting off children’s body parts. <>We could kill all the chickens, ending bird flu fears, but also kill their eggs. But hey, don’t eggs have high cholesterol?

The French kill horses, MacDonald kills cows, Asians kill pigs, Arabs kill lambs – ah – not endangered. We could always kill all the humans and let the animals return to their natural habitats. But Africans have been doing that for ages!

Maybe we could sell tiger skins and hippo feet as umbrella stands, creating a new industry that will then breed these animals out of extinction? Maybe humans can agree on one continent, say Australia, put all world’s animals world there (resettling humans first in foreign countries….), let them over breed then sell Australia to Disneyland as a man-made Galapagos Island Ride? 

I don’t like tigers. To me, their danger outweighs their endangered status. As a child, I once dreamed I was walking in tall grasses that swayed in a hot, summer breeze. The tranquility and bliss were intimately shattered when a tiger’s teeth sank into my ankle, crushing bones and veins, creating a blood train that died with my eyes.

Put ‘em in zoos, but don’t think letting dangerous animals live alongside poor, hungry men is going to serve any good purpose. Wait! Gorillas in the Mist was a great movie, and apes are only three percent different from humans.  India’s making eight new natural reservations for their deadly tigers, but what about those Gorillas surrounded by  male, machete-wielding rebels?  

Maybe we could get men to kill insects rather than animals. No, too many insects do too much good for too many reasons. What about cockroaches? Yeah, let’s get into killing cockroaches around the world, hold “Kill Cock” fests, have Bank-Aids rock sponsored be-ins, kill-ins, then eat’ems, covered in chocolate, of course (are there any White House connections to chocolate?). You know, some problems in life I just cannot solve and must leave them to the experts. Ah, to live with such human frailty….